Stop…Look…Don't Eat That Pattie!

You're typing away in front of your computer at work. You are nearing the end of the trivial nonsense that is your job in corporate America. The time is now 12:05 P.M.; the sign of lunchtime. All along your timezone, the nine-to-five zombies are scratching their heads, wondering how to satiate their obnoxious hunger pangs. Walking outside your office, you see it…the most beautiful sight you have seen in about a day: those crazy, looping, magnificent, uncontestedly the most familiar sight in America…those golden-arches.

Now, for those of you that don't live on planet Earth, the golden-arches I refer to signify the fast-food giant, McDonald's. (cue dramatic music here!) 

Since 1940, McDonald's has been serving out truck load after truck load of burgers, fries, and 'chicken' nuggets, not to mention, millions of gallons of sugar in liquid form, we call soda. Tens of thousands of patrons are entranced in the majestic sounds, scents, and horrible counting skills, everyday during their lunch hour. 

By and by, we will fill our wanting stomachs with the morsels from McDonald's we call, strangely, 'food'. However, have you ever wondered what you were really eating? I know I like to have a grasp as to what I'm putting in my body…

Let's, for arguments sake, say you're eating a regular cheese burger, fries, and carbonated beverage. Okay. Now you have the option of sizes. Small, medium, and large. Since you don't know what you want, you pick medium size; it's not too big not too small. Savoring every bite, you wonder how these little damn things can taste so good. Well, let's examine that all beef pattie…

That little grey pattie, called the 'hamburger', is made up of, according to McDonald's, 'certified, 80/20, all beef.' And I'm sure that's true. However, the grade of beef in which the F.D.A. 'certifies' McDonald's of carrying is Grade D. You may say to yourself that a 'D' is still a passing grade. And you'd be correct…but you won't get college credit for it. 

According to the grading scales, to certify a meat a grade of D, it must follow these qualities: the cow is between six and eight years-old; the meat has a rather 'white' appearance; its ribs have 90% fat covering 45% or more of the actual bone; and it plagiarized the last paragraph of its term paper. 

So…that's your burger. I'm too scared to see what's in the cheese. 

All in all, this 300 calorie, 750 mg of sodium, 'burger' tastes good, but it is far from gourmet. Next time you go to buy one of these eight-year-old cow, ask yourself this: "Where's the closest fruit stand?" 

…did I mention dog food contains Grade C meat? 

-all info has been gathered from the USDA, FDA, and McDonald's websites, respectively.

Comments are always welcomed and encouraged.

Till the morrow,

-Joe