“On those English Majors”

There are a few things that really annoy me about the students in my chosen major, English. Very few majors enjoy a ‘lack of egocentrism’, but sadly, the English Major isn’t one of them; Theatre/Drama, Music are majors that come to mind when I think of ego. English, as I thought, should be pretty straight forward, being mostly reading and writing, but how I was so wrong. 

It’s as if the members’ of the major have something to prove and they must stand out, be it dress, stupid writing style, or the way they walk (yes, you read that correctly, the way they walk). Dressing all in black and acting like you’re high in class doesn’t make you a good writer. Also, writing about cutting yourself when you were a teenager doesn’t make you a Jane Austen either, so save it for your therapist. 

Writing takes style (not the kind you wear), it takes skill (the kind that is developed), it takes a talented individual (no, you can’t buy talent on Amazon). Now I’m not saying if you prefer to wear black you can’t write, but chances are you cant. 

When I have to read your ‘work’ in class, it’s because I have to; the professor told me I must. Please, don’t use big words you don’t understand and relate to writers you only wish you could emulate. Pack up your copy of Nichtze, buy new clothes, and never come near me again (to be blunt). 

If you feel the need to critique my writing...don’t. I will not take anything you say seriously until that blue hair dye washes out of your scalp. Yes, I am being a bit pretentious, actually, a lot, but it’s only for your benefit. (I truly don’t mean that. If you fail, I have a greater chance of success.) 

I’m still trying to figure out what’s with the hair styles of the English Major. Chicks buzz their hair, or guys let it grow into an unkempt rat’s nest; this is not attractive. Or is it supposed to be attractive? Please, help me out with this one. I completely understand the necessity of individuality, but I don’t understand why your hair has to play a part of it (or your clothes for that matter). Individuality doesn’t come from the outside, if anything that’s the last place it’ll show. Individuality is something that comes from the inside, almost by definition. 

With that said...get out of my major, or get away from me. You pretentious tools.  

Fun in the Student Center

Eating my overly greasy, three-sliced-sized, single slice of pizza, I noticed some interesting things in the cafeteria, and I’m not talking about Sbarro not having Diet Coke.  (or the woman giving me Sprite when I asked for ice tea) I’m talking about the strange nuances that are so obvious that we don’t even know we do them. 

The first that is most notable, are the people who sit at tables, alone on their Mac, an apple the beacon, Facebooking. Currently, I’m guilty of this, however, I am writing. We must give the appearance that we’re not sitting alone, and we really have a lot of friends; even though they may be virtual, a friend, nonetheless. And this is a perfect transition into my second nuance...the cellphone. 

If you can’t afford the overpriced Mac product, invented by the almost dead, Steve Jobs (poor guy), you’re probably on your respected mobile device. I look to my right and see my iPhone4. Yes, an iPhone4! It is necessary I tell you I have the best phone on earth, just because. Sip of Sprite. I digress; just about everyone sitting alone, without a laptop, is glued to their cellphone. So glued to their phone, they refuse to break sight with it. They stare intently at their little three-inch screen, again, making it seem as if they're texting the President on how to free the people of China from a communist nation. It is important to have random strangers know that you have friends. Cause honestly, I care. I don’t know your name, but bitch, you better prove to me you have more friends than I; completely logical. 

Third nuance: playing music on your cellphone without headphones. All I have to say to you people guilty: There is a special place in hell reserved for you where they play the Beegee’s for eternity. 

   

That’s all I got. Hit me up with any ideas, suggestions, or don’t; that seems like the trend. 

-j

P.S.- Ordering a salad with extra dressing and a large Pepsi will not help you shed those pounds...(fat chick over there)