“On those English Majors”

There are a few things that really annoy me about the students in my chosen major, English. Very few majors enjoy a ‘lack of egocentrism’, but sadly, the English Major isn’t one of them; Theatre/Drama, Music are majors that come to mind when I think of ego. English, as I thought, should be pretty straight forward, being mostly reading and writing, but how I was so wrong. 

It’s as if the members’ of the major have something to prove and they must stand out, be it dress, stupid writing style, or the way they walk (yes, you read that correctly, the way they walk). Dressing all in black and acting like you’re high in class doesn’t make you a good writer. Also, writing about cutting yourself when you were a teenager doesn’t make you a Jane Austen either, so save it for your therapist. 

Writing takes style (not the kind you wear), it takes skill (the kind that is developed), it takes a talented individual (no, you can’t buy talent on Amazon). Now I’m not saying if you prefer to wear black you can’t write, but chances are you cant. 

When I have to read your ‘work’ in class, it’s because I have to; the professor told me I must. Please, don’t use big words you don’t understand and relate to writers you only wish you could emulate. Pack up your copy of Nichtze, buy new clothes, and never come near me again (to be blunt). 

If you feel the need to critique my writing...don’t. I will not take anything you say seriously until that blue hair dye washes out of your scalp. Yes, I am being a bit pretentious, actually, a lot, but it’s only for your benefit. (I truly don’t mean that. If you fail, I have a greater chance of success.) 

I’m still trying to figure out what’s with the hair styles of the English Major. Chicks buzz their hair, or guys let it grow into an unkempt rat’s nest; this is not attractive. Or is it supposed to be attractive? Please, help me out with this one. I completely understand the necessity of individuality, but I don’t understand why your hair has to play a part of it (or your clothes for that matter). Individuality doesn’t come from the outside, if anything that’s the last place it’ll show. Individuality is something that comes from the inside, almost by definition. 

With that said...get out of my major, or get away from me. You pretentious tools.