“On those English Majors”

There are a few things that really annoy me about the students in my chosen major, English. Very few majors enjoy a ‘lack of egocentrism’, but sadly, the English Major isn’t one of them; Theatre/Drama, Music are majors that come to mind when I think of ego. English, as I thought, should be pretty straight forward, being mostly reading and writing, but how I was so wrong. 

It’s as if the members’ of the major have something to prove and they must stand out, be it dress, stupid writing style, or the way they walk (yes, you read that correctly, the way they walk). Dressing all in black and acting like you’re high in class doesn’t make you a good writer. Also, writing about cutting yourself when you were a teenager doesn’t make you a Jane Austen either, so save it for your therapist. 

Writing takes style (not the kind you wear), it takes skill (the kind that is developed), it takes a talented individual (no, you can’t buy talent on Amazon). Now I’m not saying if you prefer to wear black you can’t write, but chances are you cant. 

When I have to read your ‘work’ in class, it’s because I have to; the professor told me I must. Please, don’t use big words you don’t understand and relate to writers you only wish you could emulate. Pack up your copy of Nichtze, buy new clothes, and never come near me again (to be blunt). 

If you feel the need to critique my writing...don’t. I will not take anything you say seriously until that blue hair dye washes out of your scalp. Yes, I am being a bit pretentious, actually, a lot, but it’s only for your benefit. (I truly don’t mean that. If you fail, I have a greater chance of success.) 

I’m still trying to figure out what’s with the hair styles of the English Major. Chicks buzz their hair, or guys let it grow into an unkempt rat’s nest; this is not attractive. Or is it supposed to be attractive? Please, help me out with this one. I completely understand the necessity of individuality, but I don’t understand why your hair has to play a part of it (or your clothes for that matter). Individuality doesn’t come from the outside, if anything that’s the last place it’ll show. Individuality is something that comes from the inside, almost by definition. 

With that said...get out of my major, or get away from me. You pretentious tools.  

Fun in the Student Center

Eating my overly greasy, three-sliced-sized, single slice of pizza, I noticed some interesting things in the cafeteria, and I’m not talking about Sbarro not having Diet Coke.  (or the woman giving me Sprite when I asked for ice tea) I’m talking about the strange nuances that are so obvious that we don’t even know we do them. 

The first that is most notable, are the people who sit at tables, alone on their Mac, an apple the beacon, Facebooking. Currently, I’m guilty of this, however, I am writing. We must give the appearance that we’re not sitting alone, and we really have a lot of friends; even though they may be virtual, a friend, nonetheless. And this is a perfect transition into my second nuance...the cellphone. 

If you can’t afford the overpriced Mac product, invented by the almost dead, Steve Jobs (poor guy), you’re probably on your respected mobile device. I look to my right and see my iPhone4. Yes, an iPhone4! It is necessary I tell you I have the best phone on earth, just because. Sip of Sprite. I digress; just about everyone sitting alone, without a laptop, is glued to their cellphone. So glued to their phone, they refuse to break sight with it. They stare intently at their little three-inch screen, again, making it seem as if they're texting the President on how to free the people of China from a communist nation. It is important to have random strangers know that you have friends. Cause honestly, I care. I don’t know your name, but bitch, you better prove to me you have more friends than I; completely logical. 

Third nuance: playing music on your cellphone without headphones. All I have to say to you people guilty: There is a special place in hell reserved for you where they play the Beegee’s for eternity. 

   

That’s all I got. Hit me up with any ideas, suggestions, or don’t; that seems like the trend. 

-j

P.S.- Ordering a salad with extra dressing and a large Pepsi will not help you shed those pounds...(fat chick over there)

Stop…Look…Don't Eat That Pattie!

You're typing away in front of your computer at work. You are nearing the end of the trivial nonsense that is your job in corporate America. The time is now 12:05 P.M.; the sign of lunchtime. All along your timezone, the nine-to-five zombies are scratching their heads, wondering how to satiate their obnoxious hunger pangs. Walking outside your office, you see it…the most beautiful sight you have seen in about a day: those crazy, looping, magnificent, uncontestedly the most familiar sight in America…those golden-arches.

Now, for those of you that don't live on planet Earth, the golden-arches I refer to signify the fast-food giant, McDonald's. (cue dramatic music here!) 

Since 1940, McDonald's has been serving out truck load after truck load of burgers, fries, and 'chicken' nuggets, not to mention, millions of gallons of sugar in liquid form, we call soda. Tens of thousands of patrons are entranced in the majestic sounds, scents, and horrible counting skills, everyday during their lunch hour. 

By and by, we will fill our wanting stomachs with the morsels from McDonald's we call, strangely, 'food'. However, have you ever wondered what you were really eating? I know I like to have a grasp as to what I'm putting in my body…

Let's, for arguments sake, say you're eating a regular cheese burger, fries, and carbonated beverage. Okay. Now you have the option of sizes. Small, medium, and large. Since you don't know what you want, you pick medium size; it's not too big not too small. Savoring every bite, you wonder how these little damn things can taste so good. Well, let's examine that all beef pattie…

That little grey pattie, called the 'hamburger', is made up of, according to McDonald's, 'certified, 80/20, all beef.' And I'm sure that's true. However, the grade of beef in which the F.D.A. 'certifies' McDonald's of carrying is Grade D. You may say to yourself that a 'D' is still a passing grade. And you'd be correct…but you won't get college credit for it. 

According to the grading scales, to certify a meat a grade of D, it must follow these qualities: the cow is between six and eight years-old; the meat has a rather 'white' appearance; its ribs have 90% fat covering 45% or more of the actual bone; and it plagiarized the last paragraph of its term paper. 

So…that's your burger. I'm too scared to see what's in the cheese. 

All in all, this 300 calorie, 750 mg of sodium, 'burger' tastes good, but it is far from gourmet. Next time you go to buy one of these eight-year-old cow, ask yourself this: "Where's the closest fruit stand?" 

…did I mention dog food contains Grade C meat? 

-all info has been gathered from the USDA, FDA, and McDonald's websites, respectively.

Comments are always welcomed and encouraged.

Till the morrow,

-Joe

Hello

Hey all,

Sorry its been so long since I wrote but Spring break was upon me and I wasn't coherent enough to post. ~wink wink~ Much of my time was spent roaming around New York City; being harassed because I am a native of New Joisey...oops, it slipped.

Guess what, people who live outside of New Jersey? We're normal, just like you.

You like to poke at us because we use long vowel sounds or we invent our own words, but we have contributed to this country in ways you'll never understand. (but I'll give it a go) Remember that guy who invented the lightbulb? Yeah, Thomas Edison set up shop in NJ. The second man to walk on the moon, Buzz Aldrin...yup, Montclair.

Jon Bon Jovi, Chelsea Handler, and Ed Harris have been entertaining us all throughout the years; all hailing from the Garden State.

Now to that ever famous nickname...

'The Garden State'. "There's no gardens in the Garden State"; "There aren't any trees in New Jersey!" If you're from Jersey, you heard those comments through out your life. Well, guess what...If you're not driving THROUGH our state on your way from or to Philadelphia, you'd know that there are plenty of wooded areas enveloping our state.

Looking out the window on campus I can see mountains covered in greenery as far as the eye can see. I've ventured to West Virginia and I definitely can compare the rolling mountains to ours.

Yes, we are the land of a million diners. We all are pretty much 15 minutes from 5 different shopping malls. In this state you can see NYC from pretty much every hill. You can travel into NYC or Philadelphia, at the furthest point, within 2 hours. (You can't cross NY State in an hour)

And because of the aforementioned, I believe, is why people are actually jealous of New Jersey.

If you're from Jersey you know that the 'Jersey Shore' is a fictitious show about non-Jersey-ites. You know that the state is divided into three sections (North, Central, South). You know the second when you're out of Jersey because it just looks different.

To those of you outside of New Jersey: Get off the Parkway and the Turnpike, and travel along Route 23 North, or jump onto any county road...You'll see the true Garden State.

To us living in our state: We know we do it better than any other.

Be well...

The Academy Award Flop...

And the Oscar goes to…No one gives a shit. Yup, that’s how last nights Academy Awards were portrayed. Even through the style and grace of Anne Hathaway (mind you, that girl has pipes!) and the confusing, stoned look on James Franco’s face could not entertain me for more then two seconds. These outdated, 18 inch tall, golden men statutes are a throw back to the Golden Age of Hollywood. They have out served their purpose and are just about as creadible as a car salesman. Who won best director? I fell asleep during that part…

Sorry this is somewhat short today but I have class. Haha

Be well…

Vexed.

Hello everybody; I hope all is well. It’s not here at William Paterson University. Yesterday, what I saw really disturbed me. This has been brought up in debate before but I’m not so sure why this bothered me as much as it did.

Upon walking to get my fourth cup of coffee, in the Student Center, I saw about six or seven men-in-uniform standing outside the café. When I mean uniform, I mean military recruiters. They were stopping students on their way to class to ask them if they wanted to enlist. I nearly went out of my mind. Not because I’m a screaming liberal but because I am a STUDENT at a UNIVERSITY.

I felt violated by the University for letting them on campus. I don’t care about state funding being cut off. This is an institution of higher learning. If I wanted to join the death squad of professional murderers I would’ve joined right after high school or enlist in the ROTC. Those trained killers have no right to ask the future of America to sign up and die for a worthless cause.

Just in passing I saw them hassle students; asking what their plans were after college and if they enjoyed it here. I even heard one ask a young man how he intended on paying for his education and that the military could help him out. This is wrong on so many levels.

First and foremost, you don’t kill people. Yup, you don’t kill people, not even for a profession. Second, we are here to better our lives, not join a profession where you end them.

I tell the military recruiters to stay away from my campus. You can bring your well-dressed propaganda minions to someplace other then here. However, if you must come to my university, stop by a professor teaching Ethics.

Until tomorrow…

A New Week

So, firstly, let me apologize to the three of you that follow me. It’s been about a week since my last post. Tear. And secondly, I was supposed to teach you people how to read poetry the ‘right’ way. Honestly, I’m lazy and don’t feel like it. It’s not really my responsibility to teach you how to read.

Being a fan of poetry myself, nothing pains me more than being in a creative writing class. NOTHING is more painful. For the most part this is a required course for most majors…or not. Either way, my professor set it up as a ‘collaborative’ course and with this comes the review of others’ ‘poetry’. This is the worst part of my day.

What is the point of reading sub-quality poetry, submitted by students who don’t care? Not only is the practice of reading this crap, eye ball popping horrid, it’s a waste of my time and money. If I wanted to spend $1500 on torturing myself I would’ve cashed in $15 for Kill Bill and called it a day. But no. I sit in a chair for over an hour and listen to rhyming words about boyfriends, makeup, and an influx of grammatical errors. See the correlation between this class and Facebook? I do.

Next topic… What’s up with the History and Discovery Channels?

Not once this past weekend was I able to watch something history or science related. By tuning into one of the aforementioned channels, I’d be watching men chop down trees, hicks wrestle ‘gators’, or a soap opera about building motorcycles. Someone, please explain to me the societal or educational purpose of these ‘crap-u-mentaries’. Anyone, please…I need to know. I wish they would bring back history and discovery back to their respected stations.

I’m done ranting.

Ok, people. It’s that time again, PLEASE FOLLOW ME! Also, comments are welcome. If there’s a topic or something related you would like me to write about just let me know. I like getting feedback.

Suggested Reading:

Cinderella, by the Brothers Grimm. Seriously, read it.

 http://classiclit.about.com/library/bl-etexts/grimm/bl-grimm-cinderella.htm

Off to class…hit up my blog!

Be well.